The Prodigal's Brother

The “Third-Party” in the Account of the Prodigal Son

(By Copan & David)

We’ve all read, and perhaps experienced, the story. . . a son or child, or someone we love decides that life just isn’t what it should be or what they truly want, so they decide to leave and go their own way. Similarly, that happens in many relationships and often even in marriage. One day, all of the good intentions made at the altar can appear to have disappeared into non-existence. The reality is that people DO change their minds based upon how they feel.

Over time, the “for better or worse” dialogue made with sincere, loving and committed vows seems to reveal itself more as “for better. . . and damn it, it better getter better. . . or else.” Our expectations of how things should REALLY be start to take hold and, then eventually, may cause a person to give up and/or let go and move on. It often happens that as time goes on, many of us simply aren’t all that happy with the choices we’ve made. It’s also quite common that each of us in our relationships are going to let our partners down in one way or another. And when we’re let down or hurt, perhaps over and over, it’s also quite understandable to want to get away from that disappointment and resulting pain.

In the account of the Prodigal Son, Christ explains that the younger son decided he would be better off somewhere else, on his own. That too, is quite understandable as each of us needs to find our “own way” on our own path. After all, we can only do so much for so long. A friend described it as the “I, me, mine-phase of life.” Most of us go through it at one time or another, or eventually, we might.

As the story goes, the Father allows his son’s choice. Given his desires, freedom and his share of the family’s wealth and provisions, the son goes off on his journey – and it's probably true that he was gone for quite a long time. I recall there was a time that in my wounded and self-seeking spirit,
I was gone from those who loved me for a long time, as well. Maybe not physically, but still, it seemed my spirit was gone from those I once felt closest to. The unhealed hurts we carry in our hearts and continue to take on during the course of our lives can do that.

While on his freedom journey, the young son discovers a brand new life
for himself. No longer is he accountable, no longer is he directed – he’s free to do as he pleases, with no responsibilities to or from his past. Life
is brand new, exciting and free, and perhaps feels like a “fresh start” to
living. . . REALLY LIVING, for the first time. But, we all know how the account goes. Over time, perhaps again a long time, the young son’s
new life takes a turn.

Perhaps many of us have experienced that in our lives. Life seems to
be going great for a while and then it happens. . . and our self-absorbed, self-made world starts to get turned upside down. I’m reminded of what God says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” I’ve wondered if I had “labored in vain” for so many years, myself. Was I really following the Lord’s plan for my life and seeking Him with my whole heart, or was I living my life from a twisted Psalm: “The Lord is my butler and I get whatever I want”? Was my life simply full of troubles, which we’ve all experienced in one way or another, or had I taken on so many hurts that I had been operating from a self-directed, self-preserving spirit which came from a wounded heart – one which only Christ could heal? I’m no longer working on the answer to that question – now I’m working on His solution, and truly, it’s a transforming process.

As the story continues, the newfound freedom and life of the wayward son fade into nothing, and he has a serious change of heart and mind. That change coming from a change in his circumstances. His wealth was gone, his good-times were over and his new life certainly wasn’t all that great, any longer. The lost son repents, not only of his “new life,” but also of his decision to leave in the first place. Sometimes I get the feeling that the road to the “narrow path” (of Christ) is along the “broad way” – and we simply have to go through it, to get to it. While he’s still on his journey returning home, his Father sees him. I get the sense that his Father had constantly been watching and praying for him, while he was gone – as he sees him “while he was still a long way off.” The Father runs to meet him and greets his son with open arms. The son openly confesses of his wrongdoing and unfaithfulness, both toward his Father and before God. Yet, the Father’s response is to clothe his son in Unconditional Love, Forgiveness and Righteousness. The Father NEVER closed the door on his son, who simply had to have his own way. That to me is Faithfulness – that to me is Commitment. Maybe a better name for this account, rather than the Story of the Prodigal Son is, “The Story of the Faithful, Loving and Forgiving Father.” I think the son realizes that his Father truly loves him, unconditionally.

Wouldn’t it be great if all of us could experience that kind of Unconditional Love, Forgiveness and even Restoration in our relationships? That is, to know and admit that we totally screwed up, maybe many times, and that whenever we changed our minds – to know that we would be forgiven, still loved and welcomed back with open arms. Sometimes it happens and many times, it doesn’t. Hurting people often continue to hurt people – and without the willingness to Forgive, the way our Father forgives us through Christ, we will have NO CAPACITY to Truly Love others. I’ve found it’s just that simple, but maybe for a still-wounded heart, Forgiveness from the heart can be as far away as the moon. It often happens that we learn best by truly experiencing “what its like,” for ourselves. . . even to be treated, the way we’ve treated others.

The “Third Party” in the Account of the Prodigal Son

It would seem that despite the Father’s acceptance of his lost son’s repentance, the older and faithful brother had a problem with what had transpired. After all, HE was faithful to his Father the whole time. HE did nothing wrong, obeyed every rule and seemingly respected his Father. But did he – really? His younger, selfish, self-centered and wayward brother finally comes back home. . . to a big party – and all of that, just because he said he “was sorry.” What a bunch of crap! How could his Father treat his betraying younger brother like that, especially after all the terrible, rotten things the younger unappreciative brother did? Not to mention ALL of the wonderful things the older brother remained faithful in to his Father – and besides, where was HIS big party? Wow, maybe with that kind of self-righteous thinking, each of us would be “pissed off,” as well. I wonder what kind of unhealed hurts the older brother had experienced in his life that he still carried in his heart?

Often, it happens that way in our broken relationships. Two people were involved. Both may admit they made some mistakes and weren’t perfect. Both may agree they probably let the other person down or hurt them. But, only one person “repents” (has a change of mind and heart) and the other feels self-justified and maybe even a little self-righteous. Our unhealed hurts can do that. And, so it was in this story. One person was willing to look at their own stuff (do the work), be accountable and even repent so they can and would change, and the other person can’t look in their own mirror or maybe, simply doesn’t want to go there. One person is willing to resolve the hurts and differences that exist. . . and the other isn’t.

I get the feeling after “doing his own thing,” that the wayward Prodigal Son perhaps saw his reflection in a mud puddle while tending to, and living with, the pigs. Perhaps the faithful older brother never got down, quite that low. Paul, for instance, had to be blinded before he could truly see. I think I’ve experienced that God needs to “knock each of us off our horses” before we can truly come to Him – and see things His Way. It hurts like hell when that happens, but somehow I feel it’s necessary. It was in my case, perhaps more than once. . . and over time, I became grateful.

I like the dialogue in the movie My Cousin Vinny, where Vinny keeps screwing up and then says, “I think I get it.” And the Judge says,
“No, I don’t think you do! You are now in contempt of Court.” The real difference being that Christ paid the price of Forgiveness for each of us. Our Father is NOT holding us in contempt, regardless of how often we fail. But that doesn’t mean that someone else won’t, like in
the case of the “Third Party” – the faithful, obedient, self-righteous brother (sister, relative, friend, or partner). Really? Yeah, unfortunately, it often goes that way.

For a while, I thought I had done everything God had asked me to do in trying to restore my broken relationships. I felt like I had been accountable for all of my wrong doing and repented as God instructed. And then, I felt like the “Prodigal Son” coming home. Except in some cases, I truly wasn’t received and I certainly didn’t feel forgiven. I felt I was accused even further and treated like I had leprosy. In some cases, it felt like others in my story were responding to my genuine repentance with a BIG “F_ _ _ You!”
And that kind of rejection hurt like hell. But Heartfelt Forgiveness,
like Heartfelt Love, is purely unconditional. At least it’s that way with our Father, because He understands our pain. Truly, “God IS Love” and His Heartfelt Forgiveness and Unconditional Love keeps no record of wrongs.

It was only after continuous support, encouragement and Unconditional Love from close friends (including prayer), that God showed me His truth. My Father NEVER had forsaken me or left me. My Father accepted my genuine repentance and heartfelt sorrow over my actions. My Father welcomed me with open arms and had prepared a place for me – as his long-lost child. And my Father rejoiced in my turning around. He NEVER rejected me. As for others in our lives, especially in our wounded and broken relationships. . . well, each of us gets to choose how we respond to someone else’s repentance. And, sometimes we’ll be received and other times we won’t. All of us have been given a free will and a choice.

Granted, relationships will take on many wounds over the years. Wounds that each of us carried into the relationship and wounds that we’ve put upon each other. Then of course, there are the wounds that each of us received from others, outside of the relationship. Combine all of those wounds and you’ve got one truly awful and hurtful mess – one that only God can heal. And indeed, Jesus declares even now, “I came to HEAL the brokenhearted.”

I’ve learned it’s okay, not to be forgiven by someone – so long as I accept that my Father forgives me. I’ve learned that people don’t have to love me – so long as I realize, in my Heart, that Christ loves me. I’ve also come to realize that God let me experience the pain of being rejected and hurt like that, so that I WON’T treat someone else that way. God let me experience just a little bit of what Christ went through – even if He went through all of that, just for me. Glory to God – the Faithful, Loving and Forgiving Father. These days, I often find myself praying, “Lord, teach me HOW to Love and Forgive others, the way You Love and Forgive me.” As I spoke with a dear friend the other day, he told me, “Sometimes the only way we can learn how to Truly Love, is to (get) hurt. . . and to hurt a lot.” That’s what Christ went through for us – an awful lot of hurt, just to show how much He Loves each of us, unconditionally.