Achieving Love over Religion

How God Can Change A Life – Twice  

Here are some lyrics from a song entitled, My Sheep:

What a life, I was doing it my way –
I had big plans you see.

Then a crash and my world fell to pieces –
  I had no hope when He called to me. He said. . .

My sheep know My Voice, I know them – they follow Me.

All the things that I thought made me happy –
they left me empty still wanting more.

Then the Lord touched my heart and He told me –
   I Am what you’ve been searching for. . .

My sheep know My Voice, I know them – they follow Me.

Change One – Religion and The Law

I recall an earlier time – nearly 30-years ago. Life wasn’t going all that well for me and I wanted to make a change. I had heard other people sharing “How God Can Change A Life” and I wanted things to be better for me, too. I felt I heard God’s call and so I became a “Christian,” receiving Christ as my Personal Savior. 

I knew there were things about me (sins) that I needed to repent of and
I did, or at least I would try. Within a few years, I got baptized and then joined an evangelical church. I willingly turned away from “worldly things,” including nearly anything the Church didn’t consider as being “Christian.”
I wanted to please God and thought if I did the right things, my life would improve. In many ways, it did. Truly, I wanted to have an abundant life. 

I also began studying the Bible – every day. I had a great desire to memorize Scripture and embed the “Word of God” in my mind and
heart. I received discipleship training, joined prayer groups, attended
and eventually led Bible study groups, listened to Christian radio (only), participated in church ministries, activities and programs, got involved in prophecy groups, cult-awareness groups and even started evangelizing
so that people could “get saved,” just like me. After all, who wants to
“Go to Hell,” right? (In being transparent with you, at this point,
I'm feeling a bit of that "foolish boasting" that Paul confessed.)  

I also tried to make sure that every word I used was "holy, correct and proper," and that everything I was seen doing was "appropriate, right
and proper". . . so that people would know I represented Christ. Indeed,
I voraciously learned to “dot all my Christian ‘I’s and cross all my Christian ‘T’s” in everything I said and did. After all – one never knows who’s listening and watching, Amen? 

Now being a musician and song-writer for many years, I became involved in the church music ministry, as well. I even committed to writing only “Christian” songs. Secretly, I also wrote my new private theme song. It went to the melody of the Dr. Pepper jingle, perhaps with the singing voice of comedian Steve Martin – just imagine. . .

Oh. . . I’m a Christian, You’re a Christian –
He’s a Christian, She’s a Christian,

Wouldn’t you like to be a Christian, too?
Be a Christian – HEY, I’m a Christian. . . Yeah! 

Wow! Any more evidence needed of the religious pride and legalistic path which I openly embraced? Did I somehow miss what Paul was talking about in 1Corithians 13? And, I’m not referring to the “Love is. . .” part. I’m talking about the first three verses. Feel free to reference it yourself and see if you can tell what was missing in my attempt to become such a “Good Christian”?

*If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, 

but do not have love,  
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries 

and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, 
but do not have love, 
I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor 

and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, 
but do not have love, 
I gain nothing. 
(1Corinthians 13:1-3)  

LOVE. . . is NOT proud. 
 (. . . from Verse 4) 

Now honestly, I thought I was doing "all the right stuff" and pleasing God. But, was my "Religion" what really mattered to Christ? Perhaps even a better question for me would have been. . . "What's REALLY going on in my heart – WHAT was driving me?"

I can see now, that my "religion" had become like a "band-aid" for the cancerous wounds which I carried deep in my heart. In trying to escape from the pain of my past (and present) unhealed hurts, I had somehow become an uptight, self-righteous “Christian-aholic.” In reality, my own “Churchiness and Religiosity” did nothing for me, other than appease my woundedness and teach me how to “have a thing about things.”
I also got the feeling it did little for some other people who knew me. . . other than turn (and perhaps piss) them off. 

Indeed, after many years of studying the Bible and doing all of those other outwardly religious things, I came to know quite a bit about (what I thought was) being and looking like a “Good Christian.” But, the only problem was (which I discovered much later) – I somehow seemed TO MISS CHRIST COMPLETELY – in the process. 

“God IS Love.” And unfortunately, my dressing up in a “nice clean shirt” (white robe), carrying a big Bible and doing all of that other “religious stuff” taught me little, if anything, about Love. Love Never Fails and obviously, God still had a thing or two to teach me. . . about LOVE. 

Yes, despite how I looked and acted on the outside, on the inside I was “full of dead-men’s bones” (having a broken heart). My doing all of that “Christian Stuff” did nothing to heal the lifetime of wounds I carried deep within me. That was something only Christ could do. Doing all that “stuff” also did little in teaching me how to Love and Forgive others, and even myself, unconditionally. As I look back, I really never learned how to love people – Jesus-style.  Jesus is all about Love and His Love for others is expressed through personal, loving and committed relationships, not through our religion or individual church doctrine and programs. 

To quote Forrest Gump, “I may not be a smart man – but I DO KNOW what LOVE is.” Funny how the man, whom so many thought of as an “idiot,” actually DID KNOW something about Love. Not funny at all, that it took this "wounded idiot” (me) nearly 30-years of being a Christian to begin learning what Forrest seemed to know, all along. Truly, God will use “the foolish things of the world” to shame those of us who think we are wise. 

Change Two – Transformation and Love 

Ironic, isn't it? My eventual, personal breakthrough and deliverance from that "religious lifestyle" came through. . . “my total breakdown.” The reason I say that it's "ironic" is because I truly thought that I was "living a life" in accordance with God's Will, perhaps just like Paul (Saul) believed prior to God rearranging more than a few things in his life.

You see, all of that "religious stuff," and religion itself, was a "good fit"
for me. And truly, I'm really not intending to blame anyone in particular, other than myself. But again, given the condition of my broken and wounded heart, it allowed me to focus on the "outside," rather than paying attention to the very things that God wanted to address on the "inside" of me – which badly needed His Healing.

Yes indeed, I believe that God (in His Mercy) finally had enough of me. Christ's Transformation of my broken heart and the beginning of my Healing Journey with Him was at hand. As I noted on a plaque in a Christian counselor’s office, “God accepts us the way we are, but He Loves us too much to leave us that way.” And perhaps even greater, “God accepts the way we become in trying to serve, please and obey Him – and He Loves us WAY TOO MUCH to leave us that way, also." 

A friend recently shared a sermon with me that she had on a CD. As I listened, I agreed (deep in my heart) that God knew the pain of my past wounds and struggles. Yes, it would seem that He needed to “kill me” (“Esau must die”) in order to give me a transforming heart and a joyful abundant life. So is it possible that achieving our own holiness and self-righteousness through “Religion and The Law” is part of “the flesh” (outside) that God wants to remove from our souls, as well? No judgment intended there, just a question. . . and truly, one that I've asked of myself. 

Praise and Glory to God!  He knew me on the “inside,” so broken and wounded, yet He loved me so completely. He also knew exactly what it would take to crush me, so He could begin to change my life – a second time. To quote King David from Psalm 119:71, "It was good that the Lord afflicted me, so I could learn of His Ways" (paraphrased). I had to learn that "His Ways" are about Grace, Unconditional Love and Forgiveness from the Heart. And truly, I’m grateful that He NEVER left me. . . 

I give thanks to our Father that He eventually put me on that Damascus Road, so that like Paul, I could learn how to start Achieving Love over Religion. Even more, so that I could start to learn how to truly Love others, the way Christ Loves me – unconditionally.

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have Loved you, so you must Love one another.
By this [Style of Love] everyone will know that you
are my disciples. . . if you Love one another. 
 (Jesus from the Book of John 13:34-35)

 
Ideally. . . “You shall know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.”
And, the Truth is that God IS Love. And without Love, I was nothing. 

The End – Or perhaps, just a new beginning. . .

R Butch David

P.S. Here's a short music video for your enjoyment. . .