Are YOU Familiar With Their Pain?
First, some lyrics from the song In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins:
Well if you told me you were drowning –
I would not lend a hand.
I've seen your face before, my friend,
but I don't know if you know who I am. . .
I would not lend a hand.
I've seen your face before, my friend,
but I don't know if you know who I am. . .
But I’ve known the reason why you keep your silence up,
No you don't fool me. . .
Well the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows.
It's no stranger to you and me.
No you don't fool me. . .
Well the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows.
It's no stranger to you and me.
And I can feel it comin' in the air tonight, Oh Lord.
I've been waitin' for this moment, all my life,
Oh Lord. . . Oh Lord.
I've been waitin' for this moment, all my life,
Oh Lord. . . Oh Lord.
You know, I get the sense that Phil may have been writing about the "others" who passed on by, in the account of the Good Samaritan. . .
For those who've been beaten, bruised or brokenhearted, life can seem like an endless ocean. Just dealing with everyday issues is often a struggle and it can feel like you're drowning at times. Maybe what’s really needed is for someone to throw in a “Love-Preserver.” But truly, I’ve learned we can only give to others that which we’ve personally received and experienced for ourselves. And indeed, “Sometimes, the people who are the hardest to Love are the ones who need it the most.”
Still, I think we’ve all experienced some people who can seem to be a real PITA (Pain In The A_ _) at times. As I reflect on an earlier time in my life and the unhealed wounds that I carried, I’m familiar with that kind of pain and how it affected some of my personal relationships. I've come to realize that some people, who appear to be difficult at times, aren't necessarily "bad" or unlovable. Often, they’re simply struggling with life and in truth, they're just plain hurt. A long-time friend (who was aware my burdens) sometimes referred to me as “The King of Pain.” And truly, it wasn’t a put-down. . . it WAS my reality. Fortunately, he hasn't referred to me in that way for years. These days, as I think about that part of my past, a sense of Gladness and Peace comes over me. . . and I’m able to smile.
Since being on my Healing Journey, I’ve come to accept that God allowed me to experience the past hurts and suffering that I encountered in that earlier period of my life for a reason. Ideally, I think He wanted me to know what it was like to “be there”. . . experiencing those kinds of struggles, so that eventually I could learn how to love people who were going through the same or similar trials in life that I had been through.
For you Star Trek TV fans, I remember an episode called The Empath.
It featured an alien woman who literally “took on the wounds” of the hurt people she came in contact with. If you had a bloody nose – she got a bloody nose. If you were suffering from a skin disease – she took on the skin disease. And if you had a broken heart, well then, her heart was broken as well. In truly FEELING the pain of others, she took on their wounds and as a result, they would be healed. She bore the wounds of others in herself. . . sound familiar? Maybe Gene Roddenberry (writer and producer) was a “Believer." God seems to be rather unlimited in how He uses people (and things) to get His point across, ya think? If not, maybe we should ask Balaam. . . or his donkey.
I believe that Christ, Himself, was and is God’s Empath for each of us.
Scripture says that “Christ bore our wounds in His own body.” He knows about (truly feels) our heartfelt wounds, sorrows, grief and pain. A perfect example of Jesus’ empathy for us, and His personal identification with our hurts and pain, is in the account of raising Lazarus from the dead.
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" He asked. "Come and see Lord," they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?" Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. "Take away the stone," He said. "But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the Glory of God?" (John 11:32 - 40)
Funny, how Jesus didn’t show up (four days late) saying to the people, “Hey, what’s your problem – what’s all the fuss about? Don’t you know
who I Am? Stop your crying already – I’ve come to save the day!” Neither, did He try to justify what had happened by saying things like, “You know, if Lazarus had done the 'right things', this would never have happened –
I mean, what was he thinking? Afterall, maybe he really brought this upon himself. Besides, He should have gotten well a while ago. No, He didn’t do or say those things at all. Jesus wept and was deeply moved by the pain He saw that OTHERS were carrying in their hearts. He validated and acknowledged WHERE they were at and He FELT THEIR PAIN, as well. Then, He brought a dead-man back to life –
A True Miracle, to say the least.
Here's a scene from "The Chosen" Season 4 which aptly depicts what was happening in Jesus response to the PAIN which those He loved were feeling - Jesus FELT it too!
Imagine God Himself, in the Flesh,
crying openly over the pain that others feel,
deep within their hearts.
crying openly over the pain that others feel,
deep within their hearts.
I've also noticed something else in that passage about Lazarus. Jesus told people, who were there, to “take away the stone.” Surely, He could have simply spoken “a word” and that stone would have been removed.
I mean, He once cursed a "fruitless tree" and it withered on the spot. But no, He didn’t move the stone through His own Heavenly Power. Rather, Christ told regular people like you and me to do it – and it probably wasn't all that easy for them, either.
I mean, He once cursed a "fruitless tree" and it withered on the spot. But no, He didn’t move the stone through His own Heavenly Power. Rather, Christ told regular people like you and me to do it – and it probably wasn't all that easy for them, either.
Often, people who are wounded (brokenhearted)
are carrying around a “load of stones” on their backs
from the unhealed hurts of their past.
are carrying around a “load of stones” on their backs
from the unhealed hurts of their past.
Maybe God is ASKING US, in some way, to help “take away the stones” from someone who is badly wounded, or maybe in some ways is drowning or even dead. Jesus knows about the deep hurts we carry inside and the resulting pain that we’ve endured. Whether it's rejection, resentment, contempt, ridicule, bitterness, blame, hatred, unkind and hurtful words, unloving attitudes, being ignored, being put down or cast aside, and even unforgiveness – I truly believe that "Christ has been there” and He KNOWS how it FEELS.
In my own life, I saw how God allowed me to come to that place, in my pain, where life became rather unbearable and it felt like I was drowning. But, it wasn’t until the pain got bad enough that I was finally ready for surgery. When I eventually let go of the "I'm okay, you're okay" mindset and I truly acknowledged my deep need to be healed, Christ started to "take away the stones," one by one, in sending me the “right people at just the right time.” I’m thankful for those people who had learned to how Love, unconditionally, because they themselves “had been there.” I’m also grateful for the long-time friends who never stopped loving me. And, as one of those friends had shared, “Yeah, dealing with you at times was
a bit difficult – but, I felt that God just kept telling me to ‘Love You’ –
no matter what.”
a bit difficult – but, I felt that God just kept telling me to ‘Love You’ –
no matter what.”
God often brings difficult people into our lives for a reason,
and usually it's never for the benefit of "just one" (of us).
Even though we may feel we're called to help someone else,
and usually it's never for the benefit of "just one" (of us).
Even though we may feel we're called to help someone else,
those who are hurting (brokenhearted) can often help us
to learn something, as well.
to learn something, as well.
The following article shares some healthy and encouraging suggestions on How to Love the Unlovable. Keep in mind, it’s not about playing the role of “Rescuer” at all. It’s simply about loving hurt people wherever they’re at – truly acknowledging (and perhaps knowing their pain) and accepting them in their Journey, without judgment. Ultimately each of us, personally, needs to decide if WE truly want to get well – I know that I did.
His Love Never Fails,
R Butch David
*With special thanks to Dan Copan for his contributions to this article
and to my Personal Healing Journey.
How to Love the Unlovable
(An Internet Article*)
Often, life sends us a curve ball in the form of a very difficult person. You ask yourself if you should run, hide, or give them a piece of your mind. To love the unlovable is not an easy task. But it can be more than worthwhile when that person shows signs of sensitivity, personal strength and overcoming. Here are a few tips for the journey.
Difficulty: Challenging [No Kidding! – rbd]
Instructions
Think about how you may be the very catalyst or turning point in someone's life who seems at first to be unlovable. You may be the
hope, the smile and the kindness that helps that person make a
needed turnaround.
hope, the smile and the kindness that helps that person make a
needed turnaround.
Look for the good qualities. Everyone has something good about them. Look for that and try to nurture it, bring it out and strengthen it.
Remember this too shall pass. Know that this time and seeming sacrifice you are making for this person will not be all-consuming or forever. There will be times when you will be alone, times when you can enjoy your own hobbies and interests.
Be there when they need you. When you see subtle changes and improvements in the behavior of the unlovable one, be there to encourage and hold a hand. Support that person over the rough waters and the difficult times.
Know you may be the only strength and hope the person has ever really had before. There is no need to let this go to your head, but have enough compassion and sensitivity to understand that it may be so.
Know you may be the only strength and hope the person has ever really had before. There is no need to let this go to your head, but have enough compassion and sensitivity to understand that it may be so.
Understand that you may be helping a person who has great hidden talents, a person who may give birth to a beautiful child, a person who may give to others that you care about at some point.
Love the unlovable because you are there in their life and it really is the only thing to do. Feel the gratification of knowing you really are giving and doing your best and your efforts may or may not make a visible difference, but hopefully they will.
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