Time Doesn't Heal

"Time (alone) actually wounds the Healing Process"

An Introduction to the Book 

“The Ultimate Breakthrough”

   

(By Ken Unger - Copyright 2008   www.transformationincorporated.com)

Time does not heal all wounds. It really doesn't heal any – that is an illusion. “Time [alone - rd] actually wounds the Healing process.” As time progresses, the perception of pain merely subsides. New experiences merely displace our harmful memories, driving them deeper into the subconscious, the basement of the soul, where they lurk to ambush, to corrupt, to undermine us [and our future relationships with others – rd], 

yet again. Unless our deepest wounds are truly healed, until the core hurts are appropriately resolved, these hidden denizens of emotional darkness return at the worst possible moments.

These hurts may come from many sources, from outright abuse to 

“mere” neglect. A woman could have been molested, physically abused 

or emotionally battered. But she also could have had none of those things happen. She may have lived in a beautiful home and had plenty to eat 

but been starved for affection. Many bulimics can tell you that sad tale. Perhaps Mommy and Daddy were so busy working they never had time 

to play, or read to her, or even say I love you.

I was physically and emotionally wounded during childhood. My father 

was a rageaholic. He was angry at his life and he often took it out on me. Other people I know have never heard their parents say, “I love you.” While neglect is far subtler than abuse, that is exactly what makes it so difficult. It is equally damaging and harder to see. Denial is a greater temptation.

Our wounds don’t have to be parental. Siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, schoolmates, teachers, preachers and neighbors could have harmed us. But wherever our hurts come from, they complicate, inhibit and plunder our lives, sabotaging our well-being and even possibly destroying our health.

Unhealed pain can fuel alcohol abuse, overeating, codependency, work addiction, perfectionism and other compulsions. It can cause our feelings and our bodies to drive us, instead of us them. It pollutes the very things we care about most: our loved ones, our work, our friendships, even our health and prosperity. Unhealed emotional wounds and pain are the invisible enemy that causes most of our suffering and failures in life. I know, because they have done all that and more to me.

One of my all time favorite opening sentences in a book was from M. Scott Peck’s, The Road Less Traveled. He said something like this: “Life is difficult. But once we accept that fact that life is difficult, life becomes much less difficult.” While this is true, life does not have to be as difficult as we make it. Much of life’s struggle is fueled by past hurts that cause us to unwittingly complicate out life. But if our life is to change, we must find the courage to examine it. The unexamined life is, at best, disappointing.

Though many want us to think otherwise, our past is extremely important. Who we are today is largely a result of who we were yesterday and how we handled our problems and hurts. But there is nothing that has damaged us that cannot be undone. There is gold in our most sinister shadows, silver linings to our most menacing inner clouds. Even our worst tragedies, properly resolved, can make us immeasurably better instead of bitter, more whole rather than further fractured, happier instead of more miserable. Indeed, the very things that weakened us can bestow upon us new strength, power and vitality. There are countless examples of people who overcame unbearable odds to make their lives successful and beautiful. You can do that as well.

Nothing will help you more than healing the pain that holds you back. It can do more for your future happiness than anything else you can do. I know. For over twenty-five years, it has done this for me and for thousands of my clients, friends, parishioners, and those who attended my seminars and retreats.

Frankly, if you don't believe in God, this approach won't help you. Only God can heal our broken hearts. Only He can free us from stubborn bondage to self-destructive patterns. I make no apologies for advocating what God alone can do for you.

Ken Unger  (www.TransformationIncorporated)

A final thought from R Butch David:

Granted, if we are willing to “get surgery” for our past emotional wounds, then something referred to as “Redemptive Time” is necessary for our complete healing to occur, and that too, is a process. It’s like taking the necessary time to heal after we’ve had heart surgery. Without the surgery, our damaged heart condition will only get worse. With the necessary surgery, our heart condition will improve over time and we’ll begin to heal. “Christ (alone) came to HEAL the brokenhearted.”
(Isaiah 61:1 and Luke 4:18)