Hurts That Can Be Trusted

Sharing an Article by Greg Baker

According to “the world,” to be a “Teacher” you have to be certified. Now personally, I think there have been a lot of people in my life who taught me quite a bit. And although a few of those are teachers, most of them aren’t. To some degree though, I think the others who aren’t teachers are still “certifiable” – but, maybe only in the “crazy” category. Then again, I tend to be attracted to people who are a little crazy. I’m often drawn to people who are “out of the box” and who are the free-thinkers. Besides, in Jesus day,
I get the sense that more than a few people thought He was a bit “crazy.” But typically, it was only those who thought that their personal Theology and Religion was flawless and in order. . . Hmmm?

I recall something in the Bible about our need to “remain teachable,” that is, to be open and willing to continue to learn. At times, it would seem
that the greatest threat to our learning anything from anyone, regardless of their position in life, is our pride. It’s kind of like, “Who are YOU to teach me anything???” Well, so be it. Often another factor involved, regarding our willingness to be taught, is whether or not we respect the person who’s willing to share something they’ve learned.

For me, I was always willing to learn about informational things like the “how to do” this or the “why” of that and even the “did you know” kind of stuff. It was easy for others to share things with me about history, nature, technical information, creative techniques and other outward things. I liked to learn that stuff. But still, sometimes we can get stuck. . .

“I want the truth”. . .
“You can’t HANDLE the TRUTH!”  
(Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson – From the movie, A Few Good Men)

Unfortunately, there was also another side of me that, well, was basically “unapproachable” when it came to learning other things. Truly, I feel that’s a dangerous place to be. When it came to the “inner-most parts” – the things that were going on in my mind and heart (especially the “unhealed broken places”), that’s where my “willingness to learn” came
to a halt. There were some things I just didn’t want to talk about and other things that I just didn’t want to hear. Maybe I was going deaf? And for those of you who know me well, we know that’s not far off – at least not
for me.

A True Friend is the kind that will often “watch our back.”
But ideally, that’s more than just protecting us from harm.

It’s also about showing us our “Blind-Spots” –
the areas in which we might fall short or off the mark.
And yet, still being willing to Love and Accept us, just the same.

I think I put up some rather serious walls with certain relationships in my life. It would seem that at some point, I even climbed up onto one of those walls. And who’d have guessed? I eventually wound up playing the part of “Humpty Dumpty” – and we all know what happened to him. . . Maybe, that was just part of his Journey – and mine. I’m guessing that like most
of us, Humpty actually had some friends who might have wanted to warn him about what could happen, should he decide to go up on that wall. Sometimes, it seems that “loftiness” has it’s “price.” I'll bet Humpty did have some friends who cared. Maybe, it was a friend who had already fallen off that wall and knew about how that would feel?

Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still;
teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
(Proverbs 9:9) 

In reality, I’m just not in any position to give ANYONE advice. I can only share what I've experienced and have been learning while on my Healing Journey. By Grace, I have some truly wonderful friends – people who are willing to help me by sharing what they’ve learned. And, they’re also willing to "Share the Truth with me, in Love," regarding what they see in me. Sometimes that hurts – but it’s “a good kind of hurt” because I know they really care and, eventually, I’ve benefited. Maybe another factor involved in having that kind of a friendship with someone is Trust – trusting that they truly care for you and that they have your best interest at heart. One thing I have come to know – we all have “blind spots” – things that we just don’t see about ourselves. And that’s when it’s good to have someone “watching our back.”

So, did you ever consider what it would take to have a REALLY GREAT friendship with someone? Well I have – and I’ve found that a really GREAT friendship is usually going to involve. . . INVESTMENT. When we actually invest (make ourselves available) in other people’s lives, and let them know that we are there for them – whenever they are ready. . . that’s when they will hopefully come to know that we truly care. Following is an article I found which relates to true friendship.

R Butch David

P.S. Here is an AMAZING music-video I found entitled, "The Friend of a Wounded Heart." I'm hoping you'll take the time to watch it and consider the message it brings. And sometimes, God even shows up with "some skin on him" through others who have been through the same hurts that we're going through, and who are willing to be there for us. . . whenever we're ready.

The Wounds of a Friend

An Article by Greg Baker*

Friendship is not a relationship separate from other relationships. Friendship is the height or pinnacle of other relationships. Thus,
a child or parent can become a friend. A spouse can become a friend.
A neighbor or coworker can become a friend.

But with this closeness comes a particular ability – the ability to hurt you more quickly and easily than others. Just check out social forums and websites and you'll quickly realize that it is those closest to us that hurt us the most.

For a true friend, hurting you will come in two categories:

1. The unintentional or the thoughtless wound.

2. The intentional and purposeful wound.

Too many times we allow the unintentional and thoughtless wound to affect us with more than we should. People say things that hurt us without intending to. People do things that hurt us thoughtlessly. We take these injuries and nurse them, bearing an emotional or mental grudge. But since the injury was thoughtless or unintentional, the other person may be unaware of your pain. As a result, you may see them as callous and cold. Many friendships end up in disaster over this.

Good communication will solve most of these issues. If you will be open and talk about the injury or pain, the other person, if they are a true friend, will help you to heal.

But don't let a thoughtless or unintentional wound consume you. Please, don't make it into a cancer that will poison your entire relationship.

The other type of wound is the intentional and purposeful one. This is where a friend will hurt you in an effort to help you in some manner.
If you have a friend like this, count your blessings.

The Bible says: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

A friend is faithful to you at times when they have to hurt you. A true friend won't agree with you in all your decisions. Sometimes, we think a friend ought to support us in everything. But if what you want to do is just flat out stupid, a true friend won't support it! Thank God that there is someone in your life willing to hurt you in your own best interests.

Even if you disagree, you need to realize that having such a friend is a valuable asset. You never want to let go of someone like that! Most people expect a friend to be on their side in every situation. This is just not true. When our side is wrong, when our side is misguided, we need someone who will point out the mistakes and fallacies in our choices, our decisions, and our thinking.

I dare say, if everyone around you has always supported every decision you made, you are either wise beyond imagination, or you've blundered from one disaster to another. I thank God for the friends in my life that have stood in my way when I was headed towards disaster. Thank God for the friends who have hurt me.

* Greg S. Baker is a Pastor, Counselor, and Author specializing in
building and strengthening relationships. Please visit our website at:
fitlyspoken.org