But, WHY Did They DO That?

Because. . . Hurt People, hurt people (HPx2)

Sharing an Article by Ken Unger

A few years ago, it just so happened that I found myself in an unusually awkward and uncomfortable position. After being married for sixteen years, I was now suddenly “Single.” I’m sure that many of us have experienced similar circumstances in life. The truth is, seasons change and so do people. Over time, our desires can change as well. That’s just a part of life. But perhaps the real question is: As life goes on and we get older,
are we “getting bitter or better?” I feel that’s a choice we all get to make, although sometimes it’s a hard choice. Maybe it depends on our perspective – and our Journey?

Upon becoming single, I did discover a whole new set of friends and activities. One of those activities (events) that I once attended was a Christmas Singles Party. My new (single) buddies and I decided to go
and see what kind of FUN we could have. As it turned out, the food was quite good and the company was rather. . . interesting.

Now truly, we would hope that Christmas-Time is a time of Love, Peace, Joy and maybe even some fun. But in reality, it’s also a time of sorrow, sadness, regret and bad memories for many people. Being single during the Holiday Season is often a reminder of a past failed relationship for those of us who used to have partners. So being alone and without a “Partner” during Christmas isn’t always that much fun. I guess that’s why they have “Singles Events.” 

Although I don’t mean this as any type of criticism or judgment, I noticed that some of the people at the party appeared to be rather distraught – perhaps even sad. You could see it in their faces. What made things
even more interesting was when, by the Host's request, people began introducing themselves and sharing about their various “Ministries.” Now
at one point, a man stood up, and after introducing himself said: “This is Christmas and yet I see so many sad people here. I have a question – Divorce, WHY DIVORCE? This should not be so. . .” Almost immediately, the level of discomfort and silence that ensued seemed to be deafening. As it was, two people later, it was my turn to speak. . . yeah right?

Now although I don’t have a “Ministry” per se, I did take the opportunity
to share with others what I had recently been encountering. That is,
“The Christ who came to Heal the brokenhearted.” (Luke 4:18)  As
this particular party was a “Christian Singles Event,” I thought that sharing some Hope could make a difference. While I spoke, I also shared what
I had come to know about WHY our relationships often fail and why we sometimes hurt each other (HPx2). The following article shares some of the insights and perspective I’ve gained while being on my own Healing Journey. Ideally, I feel it’s in our willingness and ability to “Forgive from the Heart” that can mend and Heal a broken heart, and set it Free. . . even to Love, again.

R Butch David

Hurt People, hurt people

(By Ken Unger*)

That phrase says a lot. People who are hurt often afflict others with their pain. People who had raging parents usually take it out on their own kids. Those who were rejected often sabotage their next relationship. Child abusers were usually abused as children.

We’ve all been hurt. No one can escape childhood without suffering some serious ego bruising even if the home front is a safe haven. Schools are toxic. So is dating. So is much of life. The issue isn’t if we’ll be hurt, it’s when and by whom. But the outcome of our life isn’t decided by how we’ve been hurt, but rather by what we do with it. Many people who started out awful created beautiful lives for themselves. Helen Keller comes to mind. Others who didn’t have it nearly so bad can embrace a victim mind set, making their life immeasurably worse.

The question was asked of Ernest Hemingway, “What was the best preparation for being a great writer” His answer? “An unhappy childhood.” Yet, he funneled his early suffering into a creative channel to become the greatest novelist of his generation. Sadly, he never found what he needed to get over that childhood pain. He committed suicide after a life filled with failed relationships, alcoholism, and much personal tragedy.

Ultimately, we have no one to blame for our lives but ourselves. Years
ago I heard a great teacher refer to this as the PIT: Personally Induced Turbulence. Can you see this in your life – times when you stir up the very things that cause your own misery? I know I can. We are all our own worst enemies.

That’s why a biblical lifestyle is so healthy. We are promised that if we love God and follow His call on our life, everything will work for our good. Amazing. Everything? What people do to us? What we do to ourselves? Our own shortcomings, injustices, personal tragedy – even our sins? Everything helps us? Now there’s an absolute I like.

We’re also promised that life will improve. The path of the righteous grows brighter and brighter the longer they live. Someone explained it this way. For a nonbeliever life starts out easy – babies have no problems – but it gets harder and harder. For a Christian, their early spiritual life is difficult, but it gets easier as you grow and learn life’s manifold lessons.

The reason for this is simple. Once a person becomes a Christian, that person’s whole life needs to change. Paul stated that as followers of Christ we needed to be transformed according to Romans 12:2 which says,
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” That’s because everything in God’s Kingdom is upside down. It’s blessed to be poor in spirit. Meekness causes us to inherit the earth. When someone hits you, you’re to turn the other cheek. If they steal from you; give them more than they took. If they force you to do something; go further than they demand. Christianity is the only religion with the audacity to tell us to Love our enemies – the very people who HURT us. [rbd]

None of these things are natural. Such spiritual responses defy our
natural inclinations. In fact, you could say that living like this is humanly impossible – Which brings to mind the story of Corrie Ten Boom. She’s the Dutch Christian whose family helped Jews escape in World War II, only to be imprisoned in a concentration camp where most of her family died. Years later she came face to face with a prison guard who tortured her and killed her sister. She not only forgave the guard, but she also led her to Christ.

How could she do that? The things that are impossible for men are HIM-possible. The same Christ who forgave his killers and torturers lived
in her, also lives in you. His strength is perfected in our weakness. His Love revealed in our rejection. His Joy transformed through our agony.

No one likes to talk about the baptism of fire mentioned in the New Testament, but few things help us more. Life is like a refining fire – one that purges out the dross that holds us back. But with God’s help, we can celebrate our suffering. I’m not suggesting being a masochist for Christ. Properly handled, suffering shapes us for a fuller, happier, more loving and joyful existence.

Whenever I think I have it bad, I reflect on Paul the Apostle. He wrote Colossians from the most despicable, miserable prison cell you can imagine, yet this epistle contains more about joy than any other book in the Bible. It is said so often it’s almost trite: when life gives you lemons make lemonade.

I know this: were it not for my own brokenness, I would not be helping others Heal their pain, and nothing in life is more rewarding for me than that. I also know that if we love God and do His will, everything that comes into our life makes us better. And the better we get, the better our lives get. That’s Great News!

*Ken R. Unger is known as America's Soul Doctor. His new book,
The Ultimate Breakthrough – Spiritual Therapy for Emotional Pain can help heal emotional pain. You can purchase the book online at http://transformationincorporated.com/  You can also learn more about
Ken and his book in a short video interview, at the following link: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyGa79NOwBY