Big Boys (& Girls) Don't Cry -

But, Have YOU Cried Lately? 

Okay, maybe you'll start thinking, “Hmmm, where’s he going with this one?” Well, bear with me as we go down a small rabbit trail, or perhaps on a short fishing trip – it's really about "The Journey," not the destination. 

Now truly, I’ve just never been into fishing. But, I’ve heard it’s really quite a wonderful sport. I’ve also seen the metaphorical significance from the Bible when Jesus said to a couple of fishermen, "Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men." (Matt 4:19)  And as it is, one of my favorite movies is the Robert Redford film from 1992, A River Runs Through It. Yes indeed, perhaps God wants all of us to learn how to be “fine fishermen and fisherwomen.” And chances are if we accept that, then it’s likely that we’ll get wet – sooner or later. 

However, maybe in some ways I am just a little familiar with fishing – because I’ve certainly encountered a few “whoppers” in my lifetime. Stuff like, “I’m okay and you’re okay” and then the proverbial, “Big Boys
(& Girls) Don’t Cry.” In all honesty, I feel there is nothing further from the truth than those self-deceiving and self-defeating statements (mantras). Unfortunately and sadly, I’ve also known many people who actually believe those things. Maybe those people are also into fishing? Yeah, as some experienced fishermen will say, “Well, sometimes when you catch
a ‘whopper’, you just have to let it go and throw it back in.” And perhaps when you do that, you might just “shed a tear.” The truth is that none of us are okay and that's why God sent His Son. God also gave us tears for a reason – just like laughter, tears can help us Heal. 

Here are some lyrics from a song called, Is it Okay? 

Is it okay to doubt, is it okay to fear?

Is it okay to lose someone who’s very dear?

And is it okay to cry, only if no one’s there?

Tell me, is it okay to dream – is it okay? 

For me personally, the date was October 11, 1974 at approximately 6:20 a.m. I awoke to a loud uncontrollable scream coming from outside of my bedroom. I quickly jumped out of bed thinking, “Oh no, my mom cut herself while making breakfast.” As I swung the bedroom door open, I looked down the hall and saw my mom standing there with clenched fists by her mouth and great fear in her eyes – my dad was dead. He was just 55-years old and as it turned out, he died unexpectedly in his sleep. At the time, I was just sixteen. . . 

I cried a little, off and on, when no one was watching for nearly a week while the funeral was coming to pass. The day before the funeral, I quit crying. I felt like it was time to be "a man" and be strong for my mom and other family members. After that, it turned out that I never really cried again for a very, very long time. And, it wasn’t that painful things weren’t happening in my life. Painful things happen to all of us. For me, it was more like I just made a conscious decision NOT to cry – anymore.
I just wasn’t going to go there again because “Big boys don’t cry.”
Boy, OH BOY – Was I ever wrong about that! 

As it turned out, the next time I really cried was nearly thirty-four years later. And, I did so in front of a man whom I was just introduced to by a life-long friend, a few hours earlier. Now to this day, I really can’t explain WHY I was willing to share my deepest heartaches with that man. Maybe it was, indeed, the right time. But maybe more so, it was “the look in
his eyes” as I talked with him. For some reason, and I feel by Grace,
I just sensed that I could trust him and that he actually cared. 

There were moments while I shared the heartaches of my story that
he looked as if HE was going to cry. I must admit that in my ignorance, there were times I was thinking, “Maybe you should just stop – maybe this guy just ‘can’t handle it’.” But as I continued to share my current personal life tragedies with him, I began to sense a feeling of sincere compassion from him toward me. As he continued to listen, he rarely spoke a word – and he never took his eyes off of me. When I was done,
I recall him saying to me, “You know I get the sense you’re carrying around a lot pain in your heart from unhealed hurts in your past –
I might be able to help you with that. . . if you like?” 

Later in a near-empty coffee house that same morning, our conversation continued. As we sat together the man asked me, “What’s the earliest hurt you can remember in your life?” My response was, “Oh, that’s
an easy one. . .”  He asked, “Would you be willing to go there, right now – would you like to get Christ’s Healing for that?” I said, “Sure,
I guess so.”  And then I recall saying, “Man – THIS is gonna hurt!” 

As we faced each other, sitting knee-to-knee, he gently held my hands. After he prayed a short intercessory prayer, I started to share the story of my “first heartfelt wounding” as a three year old child. . .

As it turned out, I cried uncontrollably for nearly 3-1/2 hours. Some time later, my new friend (who is physically a much “Bigger Boy” than I am) said, “It felt like you were going to break my hands.” I guess the pain from just that one hurt, which I had repressed for nearly forty-seven years (which was finally being acknowledged), was just that painfully great. 

Later, after I got cleaned up in the restroom, my new friend asked, “How are you feeling?” My response was, “I feel like I just went ten-rounds with Mike Tyson.” He said, "Yeah, I know what that feels like." Then he asked me, “Are you feeling anything else?”  I paused for a moment and then said, “Yeah, it’s really weird – I feel like I’m about to float up in the air like a butterfly.” Now with a huge smile on his face, Daniel said to me, “Kinda cool, isn’t it?”  And then, I too began to (really) smile. . . maybe for the first time in nearly twenty years.

Now at that moment, I really didn’t know just “how cool” it was – or just how cool (freeing) this Healing Journey in Christ was going to be for me. In some ways, it seemed like the most painful experience I ever had. I guess “surgery” often is. But at the same time, I felt like it was also the most PAIN RELIEVING experience I’ve ever had, as well. My friend Sam, who introduced me to Daniel, described my experience as “Spiritual Heart Surgery with the Chief Surgeon, Himself (Jesus Christ).” And, this was just the first of many Spiritual Healing Sessions (surgeries) that
I would (willingly) encounter on my Healing Journey through Christ’s Transformation of my broken heart. 

Usually, tears are an indication that we’ve been hurt. And tears will often accompany our having surgery. Indeed, sometimes surgery is necessary for True Healing to occur, whether it’s for physical, emotional or spiritual wounds. But sometimes, we’re just not ready for surgery until the pain gets bad enough. For me, after living for nearly fifty years, I guess (by Grace and Mercy) my time had come. To quote Ken Unger, “That’s why the first exercise we use at our Spiritual Healing Retreat helps people reconnect with long forgotten pains and deficiencies from their parents. Hardly anyone finishes that exercise without lots of tears.”  *

I’ve come to accept what author John Eldredge also confirms, “It’s God’s intention to allow us to be hurt in the same place as our original wounds – so that we'll (hopefully) bring Christ into that past hurt to
get it healed.” It seems that God is both willing and able to stir our hidden memories and feelings through people, places, circumstances, events or even the smallest of things. And as the saying goes, “If you're willing to feel it, Christ can (and will) Heal it.” 

In my experience, I've also come to believe that Heartfelt Forgiveness
is the most significant factor in God's Healing of our past unhealed hurts. Over time, I’ve actually been learning how to trust Christ with everything He brings to my attention, especially when it comes to my feelings and past memories. It's part of His Transformational Healing Process that I’ve come to embrace. 

"Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people,
'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says:
     I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. . ." (2Kings 20:5) 

In reality, all of us will get hurt in this life and PAIN has no prejudice. . . not toward anyone. To quote Sylvester Stallone (from his 2006 movie, Rocky Balboa), "Let me tell you something you already know – the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. . . no matter
what happens, I'm always gonna Love you."

I get the sense that God feels the same way. . . "I'm ALWAYS gonna Love you." And sometimes, that place of being "on our knees" is where we might have to go, to get the Healing that we really need. Or maybe,
it's just sitting face-to-face with someone who knows what it feels like. . .
and actually cares enough to go there, to that "painful place," with you.
Following, is a short music video from YouTube, if you feel like watching. 

 In Christ's Healing Name,

R Butch David

*  Ken R. Unger is known as America's Soul Doctor. His new book,
The Ultimate Breakthrough – Spiritual Therapy for Emotional Pain actually heals emotional pain. You can purchase the book online by clicking on this link: http://transformationincorporated.com/
 
You can learn more about the book and Ken by clicking on this link:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyGa79NOwBY