It’s Really About Love in Action
Sharing some thoughts from Andy Stanley on “Staying in Love”
Sharing some thoughts from Andy Stanley on “Staying in Love”
I'm sure many of you have seen the movie, When Harry Met Sally, starring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. Until recently, I’d only seen parts
of the rather well-known comedy. It’s about two people who develop a relationship over several years. In their case, it took over ten years. During that time, each of them had other relationships which struggled and failed – some sooner, rather than later. As their own relationship grows, they share their past experiences and what they learned in the process. They openly talk about physical attraction, personality and compatibility issues, likes and dislikes, personal desires, shattered dreams, feelings and yes, even love. Their open communication, as friends without expectations, was one of the greatest strengths in the positive and healthy development of their own relationship. But most of life isn’t like the “movies”. . . or is it?
Despite our initial attraction to another person, it would seem that a heartfelt lasting relationship truly does develop over time. And regardless of the vows we’ve made, time will indeed test our hearts in the matter. I do believe what God says (asks), "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" (Amos 3:3) I’ve come to accept that “agreement” most certainly must involve Unconditional Love and Heartfelt Forgiveness, as Jesus taught. And, perhaps it also involves a willingness, desire and ability to continue to "dance” long after the music stops playing. Unfortunately as time goes on, our happiness with our partners can fade, as can our desire to keep on “dancing.” Quoting from the movie The Scent of a Woman, “Well, if you get all tangled up – just Tango on.” The question is: Did anyone ever teach us “how to tango” in the first place? Perhaps, a more appropriate question is: “Who taught us how to Love?” Hmmm?
Recently, Andy Stanley (son of Charles Stanley) did a video series called Staying in Love.* He made the point that all of us need to learn about “MakIng ‘Love’ a Verb.” That is to say, Love truly needs to take a position of action in our relationships IF they're going to endure. In effect, It’s Really About Love in Action. He also mentioned that verse from Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HEART, for EVERYTHING YOU DO comes from it.”
Recently, Andy Stanley (son of Charles Stanley) did a video series called Staying in Love.* He made the point that all of us need to learn about “MakIng ‘Love’ a Verb.” That is to say, Love truly needs to take a position of action in our relationships IF they're going to endure. In effect, It’s Really About Love in Action. He also mentioned that verse from Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HEART, for EVERYTHING YOU DO comes from it.”
Following, are some of Andy Stanley’s personal thoughts on the matter:
“Your ability to Stay in Love has as much to do with the condition of your heart, as it does with the behavior of your partner or spouse. . . The key to staying in love is not finding the right person. It's finding someone who is committed to becoming the right person while you work to become the right person. It's finding someone who is not afraid to put you first while you overcome your fear of putting him
or her first – It's about “Making Love a Verb” . . . To stay in love you have to choose to love each other the way that Christ loved us. In other words, you have to choose to treat the person you love as
the most important person in the world to you. . . You have to be willing to put them first.
“Your ability to Stay in Love has as much to do with the condition of your heart, as it does with the behavior of your partner or spouse. . . The key to staying in love is not finding the right person. It's finding someone who is committed to becoming the right person while you work to become the right person. It's finding someone who is not afraid to put you first while you overcome your fear of putting him
or her first – It's about “Making Love a Verb” . . . To stay in love you have to choose to love each other the way that Christ loved us. In other words, you have to choose to treat the person you love as
the most important person in the world to you. . . You have to be willing to put them first.
So, perhaps our relationships are like going on a trip, or even a rather long vacation. And, who doesn’t go on a trip or vacation without taking along some baggage. Unfortunately, but in reality, all of us are bringing baggage with us into every new relationship we have. As Andy stated, if we’ve been hurt (which all of us have been) and our hearts are wounded (broken), unhealed, perhaps hard and unforgiving (of those who have hurt us in our past), then those are the very things that will come from our hearts, eventually, in every relationship we’re in. Although the pain from our past unhealed hurts can be hidden for a while, especially in new relationships, the growing infection from our past hurts eventually comes to the surface – regardless of who we're with. It often seems that “Falling in Love” is easy and it would appear that "Falling OUT of Love" is, as well. Maybe the old saying that “Time will tell” really isn’t that far off from the truth. Staying in Love. . . well, I’ve found that’s going to take a little more than what I have to offer, on my own. It has to come from a Higher Place – even from the Heart and Mind of Christ.
Now most of us are familiar with 1Corinthians 13 – The Love Chapter. We’ve heard those verses preached in our churches and perhaps we’ve even recited them ourselves during our wedding vows. Maybe if we could
personalize and expand those verses into verb-oriented actions, they would go something like this. . .
personalize and expand those verses into verb-oriented actions, they would go something like this. . .
Love means. . . I WILL be patient with you.
Love means. . . I WILL be kind to you.
Love means. . . I WILL NOT envy you.
Love means. . . I WILL NOT boast about myself to you.
Love means. . . I WILL NOT be proud (of who I think I am).
Love means. . . I WILL NOT be rude to you.
Love means. . . I WILL NOT be selfish in seeking my own ways.
Love means. . . I WILL NOT be easily angered at you.
Love means. . . I WILL NOT keep a record of wrongs
(even when you fail to live up to my expectations).
(even when you fail to live up to my expectations).
Love means. . . I WILL NOT delight in your downfalls
or shortcomings.
or shortcomings.
Love means. . . I WILL rejoice with the Truth
(because the Truth is – God IS Love).
(because the Truth is – God IS Love).
Love means. . . I WILL protect you and guard our relationship.
Love means. . . I WILL always Trust in you and God’s plan
for our lives.
for our lives.
Love means. . . I WILL always Hope the best about you
and will not assume the worst.
and will not assume the worst.
Love means. . . I WILL always persevere with you and help
bear your burdens, just as Christ does for me.
bear your burdens, just as Christ does for me.
Love means. . . Although I'm not perfect, my Love for you will
NEVER FAIL and I WILL NOT let the sun go down
on my anger or yours, when I’m aware of it.
NEVER FAIL and I WILL NOT let the sun go down
on my anger or yours, when I’m aware of it.
Christ's Healing of our past hurts, in our willingness to “forgive from the heart,” plays a huge role in the transformation of our lives, and in our ability to have healthy and healing relationships with others. Christ’s Transformation isn’t about us returning to who we were or even "being all we can be.” It’s really about being transformed (made new) into who God intends for us to be. Truly, it’s in being transformed into His Likeness that we become able to Love with the Forgiving Heart of Jesus.
Unfortunately, it often appears that in any given relationship, without Christ’s Transformation taking place in our individual hearts, the person we are in the end is likely to be the same person we were in the beginning – if not even worse. The “Good News” is, God isn’t done with any of us, just yet. He stands at the door of each of our hearts – knocking. In quoting some lyrics from a song by Paul McCartney:
Someone’s knocking at the door –
Somebody’s ringing the bell. . .
Somebody’s ringing the bell. . .
Do me a favor – open the door,
and let ‘em (Him) in.”
and let ‘em (Him) in.”
And Jesus says, to each of us, a couple of things. . . "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." (The Book of Revelations 3:20), and "Abide (live) in Me, and I in you. . . If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.” (The Book of John Chapter 15).
Perhaps we could all consider praying, “Lord, this is my greatest desire: Heal my broken and wounded heart, and transform (change) me. Teach me how to Love, the way You Love me – unconditionally.”
Perhaps we could all consider praying, “Lord, this is my greatest desire: Heal my broken and wounded heart, and transform (change) me. Teach me how to Love, the way You Love me – unconditionally.”
I believe that "Staying in Love" is quite possible and that it is attainable.
Here's a video which I hope that many of us may still desire to relate to:
And although our expectations of others may often fall short, Love (truly) Never Fails. Maybe, each of us needs to go to Christ to have Him show us exactly how that plays out in our personal relationships. I feel it’s only in truly knowing Christ – in our living with Him and allowing Him to live with us, that we’ll be able to follow His command which says, "These things
I command you, that you love one another.” (John 15:17)
Here's a video which I hope that many of us may still desire to relate to:
And although our expectations of others may often fall short, Love (truly) Never Fails. Maybe, each of us needs to go to Christ to have Him show us exactly how that plays out in our personal relationships. I feel it’s only in truly knowing Christ – in our living with Him and allowing Him to live with us, that we’ll be able to follow His command which says, "These things
I command you, that you love one another.” (John 15:17)
Let’s ALL open the door to our hearts and invite in “The Christ who came to Heal the brokenhearted.” As we do, the future of our healthy, healing and lasting relationships is truly the prize.
R Butch David
* To view Andy Stanley’s 4-part video series called “Staying in Love,”
just click on the following links (below) and then click on the
"Play Arrow" on the page.
Staying in Love, Ep1 – Love Is a Verb
Staying in Love, Ep2 – Re-Modeling
Staying in Love, Ep3 – Feelin’ It
just click on the following links (below) and then click on the
"Play Arrow" on the page.
