Jesus on Discipleship

The Ultimate “Discipleship Checklist”. . . LOVE 

During a sermon back in 1990, I recall a rather well-known Pastor of a large church on Cleveland’s East-side sharing, “The ‘Main Thing’ is the ‘Plain Thing’ and the ‘Plain Thing’ is the ‘Main Thing’.” This particular church, like so many others that I’ve visited over the years, had a “Mission Statement” as to what their ultimate purpose was. And, their purpose is
(quoting Jesus) “To go forth and make Disciples of all nations.” Now THAT sounds like a pretty darn good PLAN to me. Afterall, a Disciple is
a “True Follower” of Christ. One who (hopefully) knows Him intimately, follows His Teachings and is willing to Trust Him completely – not only
for their Eternal Destiny, but also for Life. . . even here and now.

Early in my Christian faith, I too was being “Discipled” through select people and various “approved” Christian resources. I was encouraged to read and memorize Scripture, shown how to interpret the Bible, taught the importance of obeying Biblical commands and laws, and even how to pray. Truly, I felt good about that. Being a “Disciple of Christ” (hopefully) meant that I was “being equipped”, like so many others, to go out and share the Gospel (Good News) with the intent of “advancing The Kingdom.” I was taught that my “Walk with The Lord” was significant because I was now becoming Christ’s “Personal Representative” here on Earth. It was kind of
like, “look at me – see Jesus.” Really??? As I look back at myself, I must admit “not hardly, or even close.” Eventually, I came to realize that I missed the “Main Thing” about Christ and what He was really teaching.

You see, Jesus is truly all about LOVE. And, I’m not sure that I really learned how to Love (and how to Forgive) – Jesus-Style. My discipleship seemed to revolve around the rules, regulations and doctrine I needed to observe in being part of the “Church.” And for me, after being a “Follower” for over 20-years now, I have to admit that the “training” I initially received felt like it was akin to the lyrics from the song Goody Two Shoes by the 1980s Music Artist, Adam Ant – “You don’t drink, don’t smoke – what do you do? Subtle innuedos follow – there MUST BE something inside.” Unfortunately, I did drink and I did smoke – and I still do. But, is the “outside of my cup” what really matters to Christ, or is it “the inside” (my Heart) that He truly cares about “transforming”? Hmmm. . .

So when it comes to the “Heart of the Matter,” perhaps we could all take a good look in the mirror (while God is looking too) and ask ourselves this one question. . . In regards to our “Being a Disciple” and our willingness to follow Christ: “SELF – how are you doing with that ‘LOVE THING’?”
I mean, isn’t THAT the “Main Thing”?

God is LOVE and without Unconditional Love, as Jesus demonstrated. . . well, maybe we’re all just “Full of Baloney.” Yeah, maybe without Love,
it’s kind of like Jerry Seinfeld would say: “Yadda, yadda, yadda.” And chances are, if we pridefully think that we’re doing just fine in the area of Unconditional Love – God will surely send someone who is “unlovable” our way just to show us where we’re really at, versus His Standards.

In all of our “Discipleship Training,” have we been teaching people how to Love, unconditionally, and Forgive from the Heart, as Jesus taught? Or, have we been teaching others how to observe Biblical Law and to obey the rules, regulations and doctrine of our various church denominations? I mean truly, regardless of what “the Church” is teaching about discipleship – Is ANYONE really teaching us about “How to Love,” Jesus-Style?
So as I “Ask, Seek and Knock,” here are some questions regarding the teachings that Jesus shared with people.

Do we Love others (conditionally) only "if and when" they do and say
what we want, in living up to our standards? Or, do we Truly Love them (Unconditionally) without expectations, which is the way that God Loves each of us?

Do we pray for our enemies (those who have hurt us or speak negatively
of us) and BLESS THEM?

Do we “turn the other cheek” when others beat us and put us down (verbally or otherwise)?

Do we attempt to “Make Peace” and Forgive our Brother or Sister (Neighbor) or do we continue to hold a grudge?

Do we give freely to those who ask of us, or do we tend to qualify (judge) them as to whether or not “their need” is truly legitimate, before we’re willing to help?

Do we “go the extra mile” with someone, especially when it’s an inconvenience to us?

Do we treat those who hurt us with kindness, in an attempt to purposely “heap burning coals upon their heads”? (Which truly, if that’s our motive,
is an “act of vengeance”) And, do we continue to Love those who might hate us?

From Holy Scripture, here are a few more “things” which Jesus taught (commanded) His Disciples, if indeed, they were going to “Follow Him.” I’ve also listed a few more things which His Disciples, themselves, wrote and taught:

John 13:34  "A new command I give you: LOVE one another. As I have LOVED you, so you must LOVE one another.”
John 13:35  “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you LOVE one another."

From Paul, the Apostle and a Disciple of Christ:

Romans 12:10  “Be devoted to one another in BROTHERLY LOVE.
Honor one another above yourselves.”

Romans 13:8  “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing
debt to LOVE one another, for he who LOVES his fellowman has fulfilled
the law.”

Galations 5:13  “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not
use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in LOVE.”

Ephesians 4:2  “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in LOVE.”

Hebrews 10:24  “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward LOVE and good deeds.”

From Peter, the Apostle and a Disciple of Christ:

1Peter 1:22  “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have SINCERE LOVE for your brothers, LOVE one another deeply, from the heart.”

1Peter 3:8  “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, LOVE as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”

1Peter 5:14  “Greet one another with a kiss of LOVE. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.”

From John, the Apostle “whom Jesus loved” and
a Disciple of Christ:

1John 3:11  “This is the message you heard from the beginning:
We should LOVE one another.”

1John 3:23  “And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to LOVE one another as he commanded us.”

1John 4:7  “Dear friends, let us LOVE one another, for LOVE comes from God. Everyone who LOVES has been born of God and knows God.”

1John 4:11  “Dear friends, since God so LOVED us, we also
ought to LOVE one another.”

1John 4:12  “No one has ever seen God; but if we LOVE one another,
God lives in us and His LOVE is made complete in us.”

2John 1:5  “And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command, but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we LOVE one another.”

But maybe, some are still asking questions about “sin,” and “the Laws
of God” and (self) “righteousness”? Well, how about while we’re at it, we throw in the “Righteousness, Peace and Joy” of Christ Jesus? I mean truly (as Paul the Apostle says), “Without LOVE – We are nothing.” And, that’s why God gave us his only Begotten Son – to freely offer His Unconditional Love and Heartfelt Forgiveness to each of us who would indeed “receive Him.” And in case any of us still aren’t sure, God says, “LOVE conquers a multitude of sins” (hurts).

May we all abound (and be “Discipled”) in His Unconditional Love –
It's really the "Main Thing.”

R Butch David 

Here's a short video, just in case we need a "reminder". . .

 

The Truth about Relationship Expectations

(Sharing an Article by Larry James*)

Blaming others for the pain we feel each time
someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different
  than burning our tongue on coffee that's too hot to swallow --
and then calling our cup an idiot!
(Guy Finley)

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems

Having expectations in our culture is expected. We are brought up
that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. That’s a problem for most.

For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love
doesn't show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need, it is only and always an unrealistic expectation.

Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true. One love partner knows the expectation. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. Can you see the problem?

Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be cussed and discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have
a healthy love relationship.

"Expect the best," is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. Some say, "If you always expect the best for your relationship, everything will work out better." This is a myth. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. You don't always get what you expect.

We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem:
a problem we create by our expectations. Try this: "No expectations, fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. Not easy. . . Simple.

By considering a new point of view, by changing our thinking about expectations, we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. Since
we are detached from the way things need to work out, we may be surprised by the result. Even when we imagine the very best, we are
often surprised, because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings, things may turn out better than we imagined – or worse.

Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. This will always generate lots of surprises. That is when the adventure begins; the adventure the heart was crying for. Surprises create a sense of adventure; surprises you can enjoy together; surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience.

Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. They bring couples together and give them something to share. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together, those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire, to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay.

Problems are not to break us –
Working together on problems makes us strong

While there is something to be said about "expecting the best,"
we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled expectations. This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met, that the results are always bad. It only means that if your expectations don't get met. Disappointment usually follows.

By thinking in terms of needs instead of expectations, we create vulnerability. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel vulnerable. We have more to lose because now we know what we want. The outcome is less predictable. There is some risk involved. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs met.

Never give yourself away in the relationship. By "give yourself away,"
I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. The healthier image you have of yourself, the
less likely this will occur.

There is a difference between duty and responsibility. When duty does not meet our needs, it is something to be avoided. For example, if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of them. When it feels like duty, you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty.

We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and
when they don't show up in our relationship, we either choose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable, we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. However, always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction.

If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. Everyone has a need to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment.

The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It's the things we don't communicate because the
last time we did, it caused a confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage.

In my opinion, the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations. So, how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs, of course!
You focus on your needs and make a commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. Talk about what you need
with your partner. Express your needs with love.  

Again, unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. We often
call things that happen, that cause disappointment, problems. To avoid disappointment or problems. . . as best you can, have no expectations, good or bad. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable.

Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. The predicaments that follow are predictable. If your relationship is not full of surprises, it
is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace.

It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way. What you can be with in life lets you be! When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined!

*Copyright © 2011  Adapted from the book by Larry James:
"How to Really Love the One You're With:
Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship”. 

www.celebratelove.com/expectations.htm