Contentment Vs. Complacency

Taking Another Look At: "I Can Do ALL Things..."

Sharing an Article from Author Keith Giles

Before we get to the article, I remember it was back in March of 1995. . . 

For my birthday, I received a beautiful framed picture which simply said,  

"I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST who strengthens me." Soon afterward, I hung the picture in my music studio. It was a reminder that God would somehow help me accomplish my dreams, plans and goals in life. Now, we all know that life is seldom without challenges. Still, I felt this was a real sign that I'd be given the strength and ability to take on most anything – and succeed. Over the next several years, life seemed to go pretty well for me and I accomplished quite a bit. And, life goes on. . .

Thirteen years later, I found myself experiencing some rather overwhelming events and circumstances in my life, some of which were brought on by the unhealed hurts of my past. I’m sure that many of us have had similar life-experiences (storms). I'd been struggling for quite a few years and now the world seemed to be “crashing-in” around me – emotionally, relationally and financially. Many of the hopes, dreams and plans I had appeared to be shattered. At the same time with all of that happening, my dog Rudy died and then my mom passed on. And, all of those things happened within six months. As Joe Pesci said in the movie My Cousin Vinnie. . . "I REALLY don't need this right now – Is there ANYTHING ELSE we can possibly pile on to affect the outcome of this [my] situation?"

Perhaps, "Life" is just life and it's really all about
what we are LEARNING in the process.

The testing of our Faith is really about what’s going on within our hearts, and not so much about what’s happening in our external world. However, I’ve come to experience that God will use whatever circumstances and whomever He wants to bring us to His place of Healing – ideally, to the place of truly knowing Christ. As a good friend recently reminded me, "When the student is willing [to learn] – the Teacher is ready."

Maybe without storms, we'd never appreciate the sunshine. Maybe without a serious drought, we would never really appreciate the rain. And maybe without our heartfelt wounds, we really wouldn't have a need to be healed. It would seem that Transformation is often a difficult thing. Fortunately, Jesus specializes in difficulties and in the Healing of our broken hearts – 
if that is what we truly desire (?). It appears that God often allows things 
to happen and creates "a need" within us, before He can willingly fill it.

These days, I'm feeling and am doing much better – perhaps better 

than I ever have in my whole life. I’ve come to accept some real changes 

in my life since those seemingly overwhelming events occurred, and to accept some things that I cannot change. I’m also experiencing a certain "Peace & Joy" that comes from within. That special gift from 16-years ago now hangs in my dining room. I spend a good amount of my time there, often in prayer, sharing my inmost thoughts and feelings with God. I've also received a majority of Christ's Healing for those broken places in my heart, right there in my dining room. And, that beautiful picture is there as a reminder of God's enduring love and strength – even for me.

Sometimes, the "I can do all things. . ." part
isn't about what we can accomplish on our personal
"To-Do List" in life, with Christ – Rather, it may be about
what we can bear and overcome, by His Grace.  

I hope that in your Journey, you can appreciate the "personal clarity"
that author Keith Giles provides in the following article. It made me think that by God's Grace, "Yeah, I might actually be just startin' to get it - maybe at least for a couple of minutes now." It would often seem that "Christ's High-Way" is actually a rather Low-Road. . . indeed, a truly Narrow Path.

"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.”  (Luke 9:24)

With His Peace and Hope for You,

R Butch David

(Here's a short video with a beautiful song about life, changes and hope.)

CONTENTMENT VS. COMPLACENCY 

(By Keith Giles*) 

". . . For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."  (Phil 4:11-13) 

I think for most of my life I have confused contentment with complacency. The differences are obvious, of course, but somehow I've missed the point of what Paul speaks of in Phillipians 4 when he says he has "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation."

A quick summary of complacency is - "Stop caring and you'll feel a whole lot better."

Most of my life I've found myself falling back on this mantra whenever things don't go my way or life offers up one of those unwanted surprises. My reaction has often been to pull back from whatever is causing me pain and to retreat emotionally, if not physically. Someone hurts me, I ignore them. Someone insults me, I make up my mind never to talk to them again. Someone injures my pride, I begin to cut them off from the part of myself that once cared about them.

Of course, this reaction is in direct conflict with the instructions 
that we've received from Jesus. He tells those of us who intend to follow Him that whenever someone insults us we should bless them. When someone hurts us, we're to pray for them. When someone injures our pride, we're meant to humble ourselves 
and forgive them anyway.

This is where following Jesus becomes more than difficult, it begins to seem flat out impossible. I just don't have that in me. At least not right away. I may be able to forgive someone who insults me after a few weeks, or months, but not instantly. My ability to forgive is hindered by my need to justify myself. Sometimes, as strange as it sounds, I feel the need to hang on to the pain longer than necessary. I suppose to justify my own sense of injustice or to make sure that the other person can see just how deeply they've hurt me - and perhaps increase their sense of guilt over what they've done to someone as innocent and kind as me - I allow my wounds to fester and I withhold forgiveness.

What would it look like for me to really respond in love to someone when they insult me or injure me? I wonder if I can actually learn to follow Jesus in this way and turn the other cheek instead of harboring anger and resentment as long as possible before I allow myself to forgive.

When Paul talks about contentment, he's speaking of trusting God so completely that nothing can shake him. His peace is not dependent
upon his circumstance. His confidence in God is not changed by the environment he's in. He is fully resting on God and his joy is not influenced by what people say about him or how much money is in his pocket.

Many of us are fond of quoting the very end of this passage in Phillipians.
I know that when I was a teenager this was my life verse: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phillipians 4:13)

I used to believe that verse meant that, whatever I wanted to happen for
my life, God would make it happen if I just had enough faith. Instead, the verse is saying the exact polar opposite. It's saying that God will give me the faith and the strength I need to be happy and content with whatever circumstance I find myself in.

A better paraphrase might me: "I can endure anything life throws at me, even if I never get my way or live out my dreams, because the power of Jesus lives in me and all of my hope is in Him alone."

Lately I've been wrestling against my own complacent attitudes. I've wanted to pull away from everyone and everything that causes 
me pain. I've withheld forgiveness from people who've hurt my feelings, instead of letting go and asking Jesus to give me the Grace to Love and Forgive.

Paul's words here are compelling because they suggest to me that there is a secret I need to learn; That is, HOW to be content in every situation. But, to learn that secret I first have to abandon my own philosophy of complacency and emotional retreat.

*Keith Giles is an author, blogger and freelance copywriter in Orange County, California. WHAT IS SUBVERSIVE? It’s a systematic overthrow of one system or power by those working from within. Jesus said the Kingdom of God was immediately accessible to all who follow Him. 

This is the Gospel message. This is subversive.

www.subversive1.blogspot.com

Reconcilable Differences - A Fairy Tale?

Often... But Sometimes, It Actually DOES Happen

A Brief Excerpt from the following article – Reconcilable Differences:

For Mark, feelings of abandonment and shame crept in.
"I drifted away from church and God and everyone I knew," he says.
"In fact, I blamed Him for everything; after all, He was the one who
allowed me to be born into such a dysfunctional family.
And, He allowed my relationship with Liz to unravel. . ." 

Staring at the walls of his one-room apartment was a turning 

point in Mark's life. "I remembered a story in John 5, where 

Jesus heals an invalid. He asks the man, 'Do you want to get well?'
At that moment, I felt God asking the same of me. 'Yes!' "

Recently, I published an article from the Focus on the Family website.
Myself and others in the Transformational Healing Community felt that 

the article, titled “Forgiveness and Restoration,” clearly fell short of “Forgiveness from the Heart” as Jesus taught. However, my intent in publishing the article and my feelings concerning it were not, in any way, intended as a criticism of the Focus on the Family Ministry.

In fairness to Focus on the Family, I wanted to publish another article 
I found on their website. I thought it was an EXCELLENT testimony of 
truth and reality. In reading it, I found some amazing similarities to what I experienced in my second marriage, which unfortunately ended in divorce – due to “Irreconcilable Differences.” In particular from the article, I noted the effects that our past hurts can have on our current relationships. That is to say, why we do things, act a certain way and relate to others, given our personal history of unhealed wounds and experiences in life.

In my own past woundedness, I used to be a very “Black and White” person. I was trained that way as a child and unfortunately, that training continued with my early experiences in the “Institutional Church.” Truly, I'm not "blaming" anyone in particular, but that WAS my experience. I was taught that things were either “right or wrong” in the world and all I came to know was. . . The Law. I know now that Grace was simply something that didn’t exist in my (wounded) color palette – and neither did it exist in my heart or in my personal life. I didn’t feel or know “Grace” and neither could I extend it to others. Perhaps, we simply can’t give to others that which we don’t have (or feel) within ourselves. 

Unfortunately as time went on, the past unhealed wounds to my heart continued to fester and the infection grew. Although I could put on a "happy face" or be quite "professional" (charming?) when I needed or wanted to, the true condition of my broken heart was still evident, both in my countenance and my demeanor with others – especially those who were closest to me. Sometimes when people are in the process of "crashing" (being broken), you can just see it in their face, hear it in their words and feel it through their actions. No judgment intended, rather, you can just tell by acute observations.

Since being on my Healing Journey with Christ for three years now, I’ve come to understand that God’s Grace (perhaps “Grey-ce") is a bit more multi-colored – like in a rainbow or in life itself. I’ve come to accept that 

in “all things” (other than God, Himself) there can be “Meat and Bones.” Regardless of the source, whether it's Christian or secular, there can be something of value and something of worthlessness, as well. Ideally, I’ve learned that it’s best to bring all things to God and have Him show me

His Truth. However, I’ve also come to accept that we need to learn to “listen with our hearts,” as that is where Christ lives in us. To quote the movie The Peaceful Warrior: “Sometimes you have to lose your mind – before you can come to your senses.” (The Mind and Heart of Christ)

Fortunately, God is NOT surprised by what we do or how things turn out 

in our individual lives or relationships. As the “Author of Life” (literally, the Playwright and Director), God is not looking at our individual lives 
right now and saying, “Wait a minute - that is NOT supposed to be happening (to you)!  I’m looking at Page-167 in the 'PLAY OF YOUR LIFE' and you weren’t supposed to do that!” 

Again, God is simply NOT surprised - at all. 

He knows us all too well, from beginning to end, 

and His Love and willingness to Heal us is as 

consistent as Christ’s “knocking on our door.”

I hope you enjoy the following article. Despite the ups-and-downs in my own personal Journey, I’ve come to accept that God IS still in control and Christ has NOT left His Throne. . .  Jesus simply doesn’t need a vacation.

May You Experience True Grace and His Healing in Your Journey,

R Butch David

Reconcilable Differences: A Real-Life Fairy Tale

(A True Story by Tanya Price – From Focus on the Family)

The clock struck 12 in this couple's fairy tale marriage, and the glamour vanished. How could theirs be a happy ending?

"The day our marriage broke into a million pieces, I was sure no one could ever glue it back together," Liz Mannenbach says. "Not even God."

Theirs had been a fairy-tale existence, a time when lifelong dreams were becoming reality. Mark had just begun his pediatric residency, and rumor had it he would be named chief resident. Liz, his high-school sweetheart turned wife, was pregnant with their second child. They lived in a nice home in a comfortable Milwaukee suburb and were active members of 
their church. But as with Cinderella, the clock in their fairy tale struck 12, and the glamour vanished.

Once Upon a Time

Marital conflict and discord don't blindside couples out of the blue. Self- protective natures and divisive issues start taking form long before we awake to their existence. And they often begin in childhood.

"My mother was schizophrenic," Mark recalls. "She hallucinated every day and showed no interest in her appearance or health, nor was she under treatment. She also refused to acknowledge that my brother, sister and I were growing up. In fact, it wasn't until I interviewed psychiatric patients during my second year of medical school that I realized my mother was mentally ill! [perhaps just “hurt” like in having a "broken heart" – rd]

"My father was emotionally unavailable. He worked two jobs, one a night shift, and defined himself by his work and paychecks. And that's he how valued his kids. For each A on our report cards, we received a dollar. Any other grade earned nothing. Not surprisingly, I graduated from high school with only one B."

Liz's childhood had been more carefree. Or so it appeared. "My mom stayed home to raise three daughters while Dad worked," she explains. "We enjoyed eating out and lacked little in the way of comforts. On the outside, ours was a happy life.

"But Mom didn't have an identity outside of being 'Mom,' and her resent- ment played out in anger. As the oldest, I thought I had to fix everything, to please everyone and always to look happy." Liz even went to college simply because her parents wanted her to go.

So when Mark completed medical school in 1988, "I had arrived!" Liz says. "I was a doctor's wife. Now we could live the way we wanted to – like my parents did – and even buy a big house. I could stay home with Emily, who was just 3 at the time, become more involved in church and do and have everything I've always wanted."

More than anything, she wanted to be taken care of. Little did she know, that expectation was something Mark simply could not fulfill.

The Demise of Prince Charming

"My ninth-grade science teacher told me my drive to achieve would take me as far as anyone could go," Mark says. And after enduring 80-plus grueling hours each week and occasional 36-hour stretches of sleepless- ness during his internship, he reached that point. Trying to make ends meet and care for his pregnant wife and young daughter were more than he could handle.

"Liz had no idea what my life was like," Mark explains. "She didn't understand our financial situation and why it was putting so much stress on our marriage. And I didn't sit down and tell her."

Never having learned how his needs should be met while growing up, 
Mark looked elsewhere, finding comfort in an on-again-off-again affair with another woman. News of her husband's infidelity crushed Liz. "The one person I loved more than anything – even more than God at times – had betrayed me. He moved out, we separated. I was three months pregnant and now had Emily to raise by myself," she recalls. "I was paralyzed with fear. Plus, my best friend, Mary, had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt like Cinderella after midnight, dressed in rags and all alone 
in a pumpkin patch. It wasn't pretty."

Yet that's precisely where God met both Liz and Mark.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

For Mark, feelings of abandonment and shame crept in. "I drifted away from church and God and everyone I knew," he says. "In fact, I blamed Him for everything; after all, He was the one who allowed me to be born into such a dysfunctional family. And, He allowed my relationship with Liz to unravel." 

Liz, too, faced many emotional ups and downs. In spring 1989, she gave birth to their second daughter, Kate. Then she watched her friend Mary succumb to cancer over the course of the next two years. "Caring for Mary and eventually losing her was so painful, and it required me to seriously examine rooms in my life I never before had entered," she says.

"But my relationship with God began to grow by leaps and bounds.
I realized that no one person can meet another's needs completely – that's the Lord's job. But instead of looking to Him, I had made Mark responsible. God also taught me that life is not a fairy tale, but an intimately detailed story; one that takes time – His time – to tell."

"Working at the hospital was all I had," Mark continues. "Like my father, work defined who I was. No one could tell me how to do it better; in fact,  
I was quick to pass judgment on others.

"Then, despite my protests, one of the attending physicians sent me home on Christmas Day 1990, saying I should be with my family. Never had I felt so alone."

Staring at the walls of his one-room apartment was a turning point in Mark's life. "I remembered a story in John 5, where Jesus heals an invalid. He asks the man, 'Do you want to get well?' At that moment, I felt God asking the same of me. 'Yes!' "

Waking Up to Reality

Another question remained: Would the Mannenbachs' marriage make it? "It had nothing to grow on," Liz says. "No give and take, no nurture, no intimacy. My view of marriage was purely functional – two people having children, not a relationship; in other words, it was just like my parents'. 
I even cooked many of Mother's meals and kept house the same way 
she did."

For two years, the Mannenbachs sought the help of a counselor, as a couple and individually. "Even Emily, young as she was, needed help sorting out all the anger, fear and loss that goes with broken relation- ships," Liz says. "We spent so many hours in counseling," Mark quips, "we qualify for a master's degree in family therapy!"

But toward the end of that time, Liz found herself sitting in their counselor's office with the sinking feeling that the marriage was truly 
over. "I set boundaries with Mark and wouldn't budge, and he didn't easily accept these limitations. I was at the end; the loss and pain were too great," she says. "I also knew God had taken care of me and would continue to do so, whether I was married or not." 

As Mark sat in his apartment that Christmas day in 1990, he also remembered something their counselor had told him: "God loves you 
for who you are, not for what you've done – good or bad. Let Him love you!"

Those words began a long road to mending their marriage, which included a recommitment ceremony in December 1991.

Happily Ever After?

In the years since their reconciliation, the Mannenbachs have grown in their faith and in their relationships with each other and the Lord. The births of two more children, Evan and Ben, have helped cement the entire family. "We are now very aware of how crucial it is for us to leave behind our childhood views and beliefs in order to live a life of committed marriage and service to Christ," Mark says. "There are still many times when the glass slipper just doesn't fit either one of us, but we are still in counseling, working on communication and learning to be vulnerable with each other and with God." 

And often that vulnerability takes them out of their comfort zones. "Ten weeks after Ben was born, we moved from Milwaukee to Rochester, Minn., because we felt God could better use us here," Mark continues. "That wasn't easy for either Liz or me, what with a new baby, new house and new job. But we have learned we need to put God first in our lives and not keep Him out of any part of it – to have a 'with-boots-on' kind of faith. James 1:22-23 says, 'Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.'

"So, I stepped out and did something I knew was not for me. In January 1995, I joined 13 others on a medical missions trip to the Philippines. What an experience! While there, God planted in me a heart of compassion. He reminded me that, much as I'd beg to differ, 
He's the One in complete control." 

Relinquishing that control has led the Mannenbachs to go public with their story, something else which has been neither comfortable nor easy for them. "But Liz and I know there are many others physicians and medical families who face the same or similar circumstances," Mark says. "And they need to know there is hope and possibility, even after obvious sin.

"All through my life, " Mark continues, "I asked, 'Why?' Why was my mother mentally ill? Why didn't Dad pay more attention to me? Why doesn't my wife understand my needs?"

His answer? "For me, and for Liz as well, I believe the reason for our struggles is the same as it was for a blind man Jesus healed. It's not a matter of 'Who sinned?' but that the healing would bring glory to His name."

Copyright © 2000, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

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